This Drifting Poo Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the TV Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, fans undeniably found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the smallest of this drama's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star review, it was difficult to know where to start listing the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and parental shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Dodgy characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, somewhat mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual escapades as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.

Glenn Morgan
Glenn Morgan

An art historian and curator passionate about modern art movements and cultural narratives.