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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?